Saturday, October 23, 2010

Bringing Perspective to the Bullying Epidemic

The current focus on school bullying hits very close to home for me, as I'm sure it does for many others. It saddens me greatly to see and hear so many stories about children who feel there is no way out and decide to end there lives. Even more disheartening is that several of these young people happen to be homosexual. And while I cannot relate to these kids is either of those respects, I do have personal experience with bullying. Let me share my story with you.

First I should probably address the most important thing. While I was the occasional target of bullying throughout middle school, usually I was the one doing the bullying. If you ask my teachers and classmates from back then, they will all admit that I was a bully. I rarely resorted to violence, in fact there is only one situation where I ever put my hands on anyone. But only after she insulted my father, and it still was not right. Instead, I used my words to hurt people in every way possible. You see, I thought I was better than everyone back then. I was arrogant, selfish, and most importantly just plain mean. I got some satisfaction out of making other people feel worse about themselves, so in turn that I could make myself feel better. When people threatened my self perception of superiority, I fought back by bullying them. I attacked their academic achievements, athletic ability, appearance, etc. It did not matter. As long as I made them feel worse than I accomplished my goal. It wasn't until I later was on the other side of this situation that I realized how wrong bullying was.

Looking back now, I cannot imagine how miserable I must have made some of my classmates feel. I was a cruel person, who lacked the social understanding to know what I was doing was wrong. Many teachers tried to put a stop to it through punishment, but I would just find ways to get around them finding out what I was doing. I managed to talk my way out of several detentions & suspensions using the promise that I would stop bullying. But I didn't stop until I grew up a little. That occurred once I found myself to be the target of bullying. I had alienated myself so much from my classmates that I basically had no friends. I had people who tolerated being around me, but that was it. This was when I became the target of minor bullying. It was very tame compared to what I was doing to others before. But it hurt none the less. I would spend several nights crying myself to sleep because of the treatment I was receiving. I imagine I made many cry too. After my experience, I gained a much needed perspective on just how wrong bullying was, and still is.

If I could go back now, I would have treated those people in a better manner. They never deserved what I did to them, just like the children now do not deserve the bullying. If you think bullying and downgrading others makes you feel better about yourself in the long run, I am here to tell you that it doesn't. I may have temporarily felt better about myself, but that feeling would fade away as quickly as it came. Once I realized this, I began to use my experiences to help others. But first I had to personally apologize to those I had bullying when we were younger. After that, I turned my attention to children currently in middle and elementary school. I helped with sports camps and made sure that all the athletes were treated in a respectful manner with no mistreat present. Now in college, I am a tutor at an after school program. When I see instances of bullying, I like to share my story with the children so that they can understand the consequences of their actions. I also hope to become more involved in various organizations so that I can continue to help bring an end to the wide spread bullying.

And to anyone who reads this as a victim of bullying, I am sorry you had to experience that. It was not right and should have been stopped. To those who bullied others, I hope you take the time to think about what you did and how you made people feel. Please continue to bring attention to this issue in whatever ways that you can. We need to educate people on the dangerous effects of bullying.

Please remember, It gets better.

~AJ

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Saying Goodbye

It's taken me a week to come to grips with the fact that my Grandmother passed away. I had known the day was coming ever since she got sick in mid-August. But one is never fully prepared to deal with the loss of a loved one. For me, it was the first person I have ever lost that I was this close to. I have previously lost my other grandma but I was so young when she passed that I have no memory of her. But this grandma I had thousands of memories tied to. Here are just a few of the things I am going to miss.

~ She was one of my best friends. I knew I could talk to her about anything. She was always there to listen and give me advice. I am going to miss being able to do that.

~ She came to every volleyball, basketball, & soccer game, and track meet. Even in the bitter Wisconsin winters and rainy springs she would be there with my grandpa to cheer me on. And while I have since stopped playing sports, I will miss seeing her at my sister's games/meets.

~ Her love of travel. My grandpa and her have been all over the world, filling up 3 passports with stamps along the way. Because of them, I went to Disney World for the first time at age 7. Also, they helped fund my trip to Spain during high school which was truly life-changing.

~ How she was always willing to have visitors stop by the house. No matter what time, they were welcomed in and offered food & something to drink. I would routinely just drop by during the summer so she could make me food.

~ The meals shared over the years. Every month I would plan to go out to dinner with her and my grandpa. We would spend hours talking about everything from school to their world travels. I loved those dinners so much. Good thing I still have my grandpa to keep me company on them.

~ Her love of baking. Man could my grandma bake. It was her specialty. Between cookies, brownies, pies, and bars. Everything she made was fantastic. My friends would always beg me to have my grandma make cookies for my birthday treat. Thankfully, she passed the recipes down so I can attempt to make them. Or better yet, have my aunt make them for me.

~ Her love of collecting. She collected designed eggs from across the globe, Swarovski crystal figurines, and jewelry. She loved finding the perfect addition to her collections on every vacation. I will never forget her excitement to show me what she got after they returned from a trip. Now, I hope my family will continue her collections.

~ Seeing the love between my grandpa and her. They were adorable together, always holding hands and looking at each other.

These are just a few of the reasons I will miss my grandma now that she's gone. But I take comfort that she is in Heaven, looking down on me and my family. And I will never forget everything she has done for me over the almost 21 years of my life.

I love you grandma. I miss you. And I promise to take good care of grandpa.

~AJ